Decoration Day — Rhonda Gouge

This coming Sunday, the 25th of June 21, 2023, is Decoration Day at Bear Creek Baptist Church. Bear Creek is my home church. I was raised there, learned about Christ there in Sunday School, Bible School, from the pulpit, and from the adult Christians. These were the people who mentored me, loved me, taught me the Bible, encouraged me to accept Jesus as my Savior, and whom I truly admired. My parents were faithful members of Bear Creek not only in attendance, but with their financial support from their limited resources. I feel truly blessed to have had the opportunity to have attended that church for all my life.

Times have changed much during my lifetime. Decoration Day is one of the many traditions that has changed and is still changing from year to year. For those who are unfamiliar with this tradition, it has for many years been the custom of rural churches in Western North Carolina and Eastern Tennessee to set aside a special Sunday in the summer to remember those gone before. Usually, the churches have a cemetery that is specific to that congregation. Members of the church are buried there along with family members who are connected to the church in any way, regardless of whether they are members at the time of death. Many individuals, who live in other communities, towns, cities, or even other states, want to be laid to rest in the cemetery of the church where they grew up and where many of their family member are buried.

My parents are both now deceased. My Mother passed in 2020 and my Dad in 2021. Decoration Day at Bear Creek was very important to them. Some of my earliest memories of when I was a child, center around gathering flowers, my mother arranging them, and then taking them to the cemetery to place on the graves of family members on Friday or Saturday of Decoration Day weekend. We also took my Gouge Grandparents to the cemetery with their flowers as well, since they had no car and did not drive. It was not just a one-day affair. People began coming to the Bear Creek Cemetery on Friday of Decoration Day weekend to decorate graves and to attend family reunions. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday were considered part of the celebration. I refer to this as a celebration purposely for it seemed that way to me. It was a time of renewal of old acquaintances and of seeing cousins and other family members who we sometimes didn’t see at all during the year except on Decoration Day. People came from many miles away to be a part of the celebration and attend family reunions. In my own family, we always attended the Bartlett reunion on Decoration Sunday after church. My maternal Great Grandparents were Coleman and Sarah Sparks Bartlett. Their children, and grandchildren, and great grandchildren gathered at my Grandparents’ house and brought all kinds of covered dishes and tea and lemonade and desserts. Tables were set up outside under the trees in the yard and we stuffed ourselves with good food. I loved it because I got to play with cousins who I didn’t see very often. The adults would sit around on lawn chairs and on the front porch and laugh and talk until late afternoon. This way of celebrating Decoration Day was not just specific to my family. It was common in many of the families of the Bear Creek Baptist Church Community.

In earlier times it was common to have a churchwide dinner on the grounds on Decoration Day. Tables would be set up around the sides and in the back of the church building and people came with food and would eat and fellowship together after the church service. My parents remembered services being held in the cemetery with preaching and singing outside. There would be some testimonies and some reminders that the grave was not the end, that folks would see their loved ones again in heaven. I myself even remember attending a Decoration Day service at Lily Branch Baptist Church on a third Sunday in June in 1959. I was four years old at the time. My Grandfather, Preacher Jeff Willis, was Pastor there and we attended partly because of that fact, and partly because some of my Dad’s Gouge family relatives were buried there. Grandad preached a sermon in the cemetery to a large crowd of people who were sitting in metal chairs and standing around under the trees. A flatbed truck was used to haul a piano out to the cemetery, and my Aunt Kate climbed up on that truck bed and played the piano for everyone to sing. It seems that I remember singing many old hymns and I especially remember that my Aunt Kate had on a light-colored skirt with a white blouse. How she got up on the truck bed in that skirt is a mystery to me to this day! Must have had a set of steps made to fit right up to the truck bed. I know she didn’t just float up there!

In the “60s Decoration Day traditions began to change a bit. For one thing, there were more “bought” flowers on graves instead of the gathering of home-grown flowers. Most folks had regular incomes and were able to buy flower arrangements from local florist shops. There were still many home-grown flowers, but as the ‘60s and ‘70s rolled around there were many more bought arrangements on graves. There was a bigger crowd there. On Sunday morning the church parking lot would be full of the regular church goers as well as all the visitors. Cars would be parked all the way around the church house and on down the hill on both sides of the road. The cemetery was always so beautiful in its background setting of the church building, the deep green foliage of the trees, the beautifully mown grass, and the beautiful blue-green mountains.

During the ‘80s things began to change again. The crowds were still quite large but not as big as in earlier times. Each year, since the decade of the ‘80s, the number of people who attended the Decoration at Bear Creek declined. My parents grieved over this. My Dad especially loved Decoration Day and would spend Sunday morning in the cemetery visiting and socializing with folks he saw only once a year on that day. There would also be many of his local friends and neighbors. Later in the day when the weather cooled a bit, Mom and Dad would go back to the cemetery just to walk around and look at all the flowers. They enjoyed that as much as any part of the Decoration Day activities.

Today the tradition continues. However, from my perspective, it is a dying tradition. I have just returned to my home from a short trip to put flowers on my parents’ graves. It was about 3 PM when my Aunt Margaret and I were there. Presently it is 5:45 PM and I am in a reflecting mood. There were three cars at the far gate that is approximately half-way the length of the long stretch of burying ground. That is a far cry from how it used to be on Decoration Day weekend afternoons when I was a child. My Dad used to say when the number of people started to decline each year, “Ah law, it’s gittin’ so there ain’t nobody coming to the Decoration anymore.” This statement is very true. There will probably be a slightly bigger crowd tonight and tomorrow night and a few more on Sunday morning, but it is sad to see the old tradition in decline. There are still plenty of flowers, and the graves are beautifully decorated already, but people do not linger and socialize as in days past. There may be several reasons for this. Perhaps folks are busier than before, maybe they have more to do or more deadlines to meet. I realize there is much more opportunity and more ways to travel than in the past, and many have children that are involved in numerous sports activities and summer camps. We have everything we need without having to spend much time getting it. Life is much more fast-paced now due to the fact that we have all kinds of opportunities through internet services, and we have ways to communicate with people all over the world at the tips of our fingers. We can buy anything we could ever want with the touch of a key on our computers. Because of all this “stuff” we seem to be losing much of our care for many of the old traditions including Decoration Day. Folks seem to be more interested in other things and not so much in going to a graveyard to place flowers on a grave and socialize. Personally, I am like my parents in that I am saddened by all this.

Although the times are changing, as they inevitably will, I for one am glad to see Decoration Day roll around each year. I always enjoy it and I enjoy revisiting old happy memories and visiting with folks who still come to the Decoration at Bear Creek. I know that the way we observe and celebrate Decoration Day will change as the years pass, but I hope and pray that future generations will continue to observe this old and cherished tradition. Perhaps Decoration Day is not dying, but just changing. I certainly hope this is true. Blessings to all who read this blog. Have a wonderful weekend!

Rhonda G.